


can’t buy back yesterday

by Lire_Casander



Series: through the years and miles between us [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, M/M, Mentions of Blood, mentions of abduction, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24269044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lire_Casander/pseuds/Lire_Casander
Summary: alex has been missing for weeks, and michael has finally found a lead to find him
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: through the years and miles between us [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795390
Comments: 8
Kudos: 127





	can’t buy back yesterday

**Author's Note:**

  * For [el_gilliath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/el_gilliath/gifts).



> Prompt: **Malex - First time I saw your face.** Please heed the warnings.
> 
> Title comes from _I’ll Be There For You_ by Bon Jovi.
> 
> Beta'ed by the always amazing [islndgurl777](https://archiveofourown.org/users/islndgurl777). Thanks a lot for your help with this! And also many many thanks to [eveningspirit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eveningspirit) for the hand-holding and the help and the guidance when I didn't know how to take on this prompt.

His heart is thumping in his chest in sync with his footsteps — calculated, measured, so unlike his usual recklessness that heʼs sure Max would be proud of him — as he threads the corridors on his own, the silence surrounding him deafening. 

Theyʼve decided that splitting would be beneficial for their goal, but Michael had refused to leave with a partner. Max and Liz work fine together, and Isobel is really at ease with pairing up with Valenti. Rosa and Maria have chosen to remain outside, waiting by the trucks, ready to flee the moment everyone gets outside the building — even if Mariaʼs newly discovered powers could have been handy in a situation like this one, she hadnʼt trusted herself with them. That had left Michael to choose between joining one of the other teams or fending for himself. 

He’s chosen the latter. He knows he canʼt trust the rest with saving Alex, and his powers are by far the most convenient in a rescue operation. 

Max has given him a pitying look, and Isobel has squeezed his shoulder in passing. No one has made him promise to be careful inside, very much like they have done with each other — Michael knows theyʼre aware he would do anything for Alex, and that asking him to think instead of act when Alex is involved is one giant waste of time and words. Even Maria knows that, and he’s chosen her over Alex.

This corridor is just another dead end in a row of disappointing leads he’s followed in the past twenty minutes. He’s been using his powers to guide him through the building they’re raiding, eerily silent and abandoned just like Caulfield had been; maybe that’s why Michael feels so unnerved about the whole ordeal of searching for Alex in here. There are so many red flags flaring up in his mind — so many memories of cells, of prisoners, of torturing and blowing up — but his gut tells him that Alex is somewhere trapped among the cells peppering the corridors he’s been checking. He’s never been wrong about Alex, not even when they have been apart, be it because of war or because of their own stupidity.

He knows Alex is in here. He’s just failing to find him, and that’s taking a toll on his determination.

It’s been weeks since any of them had last seen Alex. It had taken them several days to realize that Alex wasn’t around, that something was wrong. Michael would always kick himself about that — about having fallen so far off Alex that he hadn’t noticed his absence until it had been too late. Now, so many weeks later, Michael is finally following a clue that might lead them to actually finding Alex. Michael’s scared of the state Alex might be in the first time he sees him. He’s afraid that he might have arrived too late, given that it’s the story of his life — learning about Sanders twenty years late, acknowledging his own need for help and love twenty years late — but this time it could be worse. It’s Alex’s life they’re trying to save; a second late and it would be _too_ late for backpedaling. Too late for rescuing him. Too late for Michael to look into those eyes one last time before breaking both their hearts again — because that’s what he does, breaking them beyond repair.

He’s trusting his instincts right now, as he approaches the end of the corridor full of empty cells. He knows Alex is in here somewhere, he can _feel_ it in his bones. There’s another metallic door in front of him, the last one he has to try before moving on and leave a shred of his heart behind. He places his hand on the knob, tugging at it to budge. When it doesn’t, Michael frowns. Until now, every door has opened without trouble; he hasnʼt even had to use his powers to check the other cells. But this one isn’t like the others — this one is locked. 

Michael focuses on the lock, imagining the intricacies of the mechanism keeping the door closed, and with a swift movement orchestrated by his mind the lock gives and the door swings open under Michael’s actions. At first, he canʼt see anything, the cell is so dark that it takes a moment for his eyes to adjust. After all, his powers involve causing havoc with matter, not supersight under duress.

He wishes his sight hadnʼt adjusted to the darkness when he can make out a silhouette sitting against the further wall, a lump shivering under the cold seeping through the cracks. He can see the lack of flesh somewhere below what he thinks itʼs the right leg, and his heart skips a beat. 

“Alex?” he whispers, wanting to make sure heʼs in the right place. Knowing what he knows about Project Shepherd, Michael doesn’t trust them not to have set up a very well designed hallucination. “Hey, Alex, it’s me. It’s Michael.” 

The silhouette doesn’t reply with words. There’s a low whine coming from that general direction, and as much as Michael would want to leap there and take him in his arms, heʼs still unsure about how his touch would be welcome. He takes a few steps into the cell, his powers holding it open just in case, and he kneels in front of the silhouette, fingers itching to touch. 

“Alex, it’s me. Youʼre safe now.” 

Heʼd recognize that mop of hair, those hands at both sides, anywhere. Heʼs been so attuned to Alex Manes his whole life on Earth that he would tell him apart from a crowd with his eyes closed. Michael sees scratches in that skin, pink scars and puckered skin, and he finally gives in. 

He reaches out, placing a hand under Alex’s chin, and gently moves his head up so he can meet his eyes. 

What he sees takes his breath away. 

Alex’s cheeks are crossed with ugly cuts, some of them still bleeding, gross red drops marring the already stained skin. His left eye is swollen, and there’s more blood coming out from the corner of his mouth. There’s a spot on his forehead that looks suspiciously like a burn, and as Michael takes in the broken man in front of him, he feels his rage boiling up inside of him. He swipes a finger over Alex’s skin, spreading the blood. 

“What have they done to you?” he whispers. 

This isnʼt what heʼd expected when he thought about seeing Alex again. This isnʼt what heʼd thought might happen the first time heʼd see Alex’s face after so many weeks of not knowing what happened. Heʼd imagined hundreds of scenarios, but neither had involved him feeling sucker-punched at the mere sight of Alex having been beaten to a pulp. 

Michael searches Alex’s face for more injuries, wishing he could heal the way Max is able to. That way, he could at least give Alex the relief of vanishing his flesh wounds. Because there’s no way Michael can fix whatever damage has been done to Alex’s soul, so many days locked up in this room and undergoing whatever tortures those monsters have deemed proper.

“Alex,” he breathes, cradling Alex’s face in his hands as though itʼs the most precious thing in the world. 

Maybe it is. 

His eyes roam Alex’s body and settle back up on his face. His right eye doesn’t seem damaged, but Michael feels himself deflating when he sees the void in it — there’s no emotions reflected in the dark chocolate brown that mesmerized him once upon a time. Alex’s lack of response to Michael’s words has Michael reeling. 

“Itʼs okay,” he says when Alex recoils, managing to get free from Michael’s grip and fusing himself even further against the wall. “Let me help you. Weʼre all here to rescue you. Max and Isobel, and Liz and Kyle and Rosa. Even Maria is out there waiting for you.” 

Alex flinches at the mention of their friends — Michael doesn’t want to acknowledge the fact that itʼs Mariaʼs name that has Alex trembling even stronger. 

“Iʼm here to help you. Cʼmon, Alex, we have to get out of here.” 

“No,” Alex says with a broken voice. It sounds ragged, as though he hasnʼt used it in weeks. 

Maybe he hasnʼt. 

“What do you mean, _no_?” Michael tugs at his shredded clothes, realizing that Alex must have been taken when he came back from the base given that heʼs wearing whatʼs left of his fatigues. “The rest will take care of whoever is in our path. Iʼm taking you out of here.” 

“There’s no time,” Alex insists. He uses his hands to help him sit up better against the wall. “You shouldn’t be here. Why are you here? I didnʼt come here for you to risk yourself!” 

“You didn’t _come_ here?” Michael repeats stupidly. “What does that even mean?” 

Faintly in the distance, Michael can hear an alarm blast off. The lights go wild around them, shining and blinking and blinding them. 

“What the hell?” 

“Itʼs a self-destruction protocol,” Alex explains. He chuckles, but apparently laughing makes him hurt more, if the way he winces is any telling. “I guess we have now three minutes to leave.” 

“Iʼm killing them,” Michael mutters. It’s evident to him that someone from their side has set the alarm off, and to him it feels like Caulfield all over again. “Okay, up with you,” he commands, flinging an arm around Alex’s frame. “We have to get out of this place.” 

“No,” Alex tells him, firmly staying in his spot. “You shouldn’t have come here. I didn’t need rescue.” 

“Like hell you didn’t!” Michael snaps. “Youʼve been missing for weeks now! Youʼve been gone for twenty-four days at least!” 

“I wasnʼt missing,” Alex says through gritted teeth. Michael can tell heʼs in a lot of pain. “I was exactly where I was supposed to be.” 

Michael wants to smack him, but heʼs pressed for time since the alarms keep blaring and a metallic voice announces theyʼre running out of time. He leans in again and throws his arm around Alex once again, trying to pull him up and meeting his efforts with a stubbornness he canʼt match right now. 

“Stop being so difficult!” he complains. “Why donʼt you want to get out of here?” 

“Why have you come?” Alex retaliates, a question for a question. “I surrendered myself to save you all! You werenʼt supposed to follow me! I was doing good!” 

“Good at being reduced to human puree,” Michael tells him. “I donʼt care if you thought you were saving us. Weʼll talk later about that hero complex of yours. Now we have to _go_.” 

But Alex isn’t moving, and Michael is watching their time go by, moving fast by them, the chances to escape narrower by the second. He hears Isobelʼs voice in his head, urging him to move out of the building. He pushes back to her, asking about how the alarms have been set off, and he can feel her hesitation in replying. _So itʼs been you_ , he accuses, but he doesn’t wait for an answer. He needs to get Alex out of this place, whether Alex wants it or not. 

“Stop trying to save me!” he shrieks, losing his temper when Alex remains against the wall. “I donʼt need any more saving than you do, but youʼre stubborn like that!” 

“Why donʼt you leave, Guerin?” Alex asks, sounding as tired and defeated as Michael feels. “You have everything out there. You have love, you have a life, you have a family, finally. Why are you still here?” 

He ponders for a moment his answer. The question takes him by surprise — he had expected a lot of situations, but never one where Alex wouldn’t want to leave his imprisonment — and it has Michael thinking for the first time about the real reasons why he keeps orbiting around Alex Manes. 

Michael had never had the feeling of belonging to a family before, not until he found Alex. Maybe now heʼs learned that heʼs had someone watching over him his whole life, and maybe heʼs fooled himself into thinking that he could find love easily. Maybe heʼs depended too much on booze and acetone, and maybe heʼs slacked in learning how to impersonate a successful human being. Maybe nothing in his life had ever made sense before he met Alex, and certainly nothing has made sense after he gave up on Alex. 

Maybe Michael has been lying to himself this whole time. 

“I wonʼt be leaving you behind,” Michael promises, his eyes roaming Alex’s body, beaten and abused in ways that have Michael’s skin boil. “I shouldn’t have left you behind.” 

“This is my legacy,” Alex says, his voice desperate over the metallic female voice announcing they have less than two minutes left. “I—you should have been fine.” 

“Why? Because you traded your freedom for mine?” Michael is beginning to understand the situation at hand, and heʼd congratulate himself on picking up on the small details if they werenʼt facing sure death. “Why would you think I would be happy while you were here? You didn’t even leave a message!”

“What would I have said? Don’t look for me?” Alex jokes. It comes out strangled and weird. Michael can hear him wheezing. 

They need to get out of here before Alex dies from a collapsing lung and not from the explosion. 

“I would always look out for you.” 

“Donʼt,” Alex interrupts him. “Leave, Guerin. Go back to your siblings, back to your friends, back to your girlfriend,” thereʼs a tinge of fear in his voice now. “Let me die with my family legacy.” 

“I wonʼt be leaving _my_ family to rot in here!” Michael blurts out.“What happened to _youʼre my family_? What has changed now?” 

“You looked away,” Alex’s voice is strained, so low Michael almost misses it. The pain is so evident in those words, it breaks Michael’s heart. He knows itʼs his fault — itʼs all his fault, for not realizing how much his heart sang for Alex, how much he loves Alex. Present tense. 

“Iʼm sorry. I know I did. But I plan to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if we make it out of here alive.” 

Alex stares at him, his eyes diving into Michael’s with a fire in them that Michael has missed. He hadn’t realized how much he had been missing out on Alex until it had almost been too late. 

It could be late still, but heʼs willing to sacrifice everything. 

Michael hadnʼt realized that he isn’t living if he canʼt share his life with Alex. 

“I love you, Alex. Iʼm sorry I didn’t realize it sooner. Iʼm sorry for everything.” 

“I told you once you were a miserable liar.” 

“Do I look like a liar?” 

Michael doesn’t wait for Alex to reply with words — he simply sags against Michael with a sigh and grabs a handful of Michaelʼs shirt with trembling fingers. He would kill to feel those fingers grazing his skin, but if he isn’t fast heʼd be literally dying now that heʼs understood that hope isnʼt something he can fight — hope is a reason to live by. 

He has to think quickly, because theyʼre too far from the entrance if he remembers correctly, so fleeing through the door isnʼt an option. He watches around, and his gaze stops on the wall opposite them. 

“Do you trust me?” he asks, feeling Alex nodding against his chest. 

Michael moves Alex softly, keeping him at an armʼs distance, and focuses on the wall, recreating its composition in his head and moving some bricks here and there until heʼs dug a hole on it. There’s just a void before his eyes — a fall from a third floor that would kill them if the obliteration of the facility doesn’t destroy them before that. 

“I love you,” Michael whispers, silently apologizing to the powers that be for all the damage heʼs done in the past — for all the pain heʼs going to cause if they get out of here alive. 

He entered the building ready to kill for Alex, but heʼs learned that he would die for Alex as well. And the latter seems more probable than the former. 

The time runs out before he can think. He just pushes Alex forward, grabbing him until heʼs flush against his chest, and with an arm outstretched in the hopes his powers might be enough to modify matter and create a cushion for them, he takes a leap of faith.


End file.
